Introduction to BDSM

When we say BDSM, we are actually talking about a set of sexual or erotic practices that involve in one way or another domination, submission, coercion and pain. The particularity of BDSM practices is that they are based on a power relationship between two people.

The letters in the acronym stand for Bondage, Discipline, Domination and Submission. The practices included in the BDSM ecosystem do not represent a homogeneous whole but rather a state of mind that one applies to one's sexuality, ranging from the exploration of a fantasy to more advanced experiences, or even an alternative lifestyle.

The BDSM community is based on a number of strongly held principles, including consent, respect, communication and safety. Practicing BDSM can also involve the use of a variety of props such as handcuffs, ropes or clamps, used to increase the sensations and stimulation of the experience.

Community values

One of the pillars of BDSM that you may have heard of is Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC), a triptych of values essential to the safety and well-being of all involved.

Safe to ensure that all activities undertaken must respect the physical and emotional safety of participants. Ensuring physical safety means applying safe techniques, monitoring breathing or providing emergency tools such as a pair of scissors. As for emotional safety, it is a matter of guaranteeing that the limits previously expressed by the participants are respected at all times, as well as actively listening to their own well-being and that of their partner.

Sane implies that all practices must be performed in a rational and conscious manner.

Consensual means that the consent of each party must be given in a free and informed manner throughout the session. This implies that the parties concerned must have a prior understanding of the proposed practices.

Beyond SSC, the BDSM community promotes consent, respect, honesty, trust, openness and safety.

Some rules for a successful experience

Practicing BDSM requires excellent communication between partners. Before starting, each person involved must be able to clearly establish their expectations and limits. It is therefore necessary to think about what you want, what experiences you want to have, what turns you on. On the other hand, all the things you don't want to do or experience must be expressed. Take the time to ask all your questions, and use clear language to avoid confusion and leave no grey area! It is also highly recommended to pre-establish a communication system that you can use during the session. This way, you can simply express your comfort level in real time, and indicate whether you like the practice or whether you want to stop immediately.

As before engaging in any sexual activity, remember to protect yourself from infections and other sexually transmitted diseases in ways that are appropriate for you.

The aftercare is also an integral part of the BDSM experience; it is the moment of appeasement and exchange where, after an intimate relationship, the partners take care of each other to accompany each other and come down gently. The aftercare encompasses all the gestures and acts that allow to take care of the body and mind, and is translated differently according to the needs of each person: preparing a tea, hugging, sharing feelings... It is a moment that contributes to the creation of a climate of trust and benevolence and that nourishes the intimacy and complicity between partners.

The different BDSM practices

As explained above, BDSM is a set of practices whose specificity is to be based on a power relationship between individuals. Among them, we can mention bondage, fetishism, sadism and masochism, domination / submission...

The people involved must therefore decide on their roles, mostly between dominant and submissive. These roles may be interchangeable, and some people, such as switchers, receive pain as much as they give it. The person in the dominant role will take the reins and exercise control over the submissive. This control can take many forms: restriction of movement, punishment, or erotic stimulation.

Bondage is one of the most famous BDSM practices. In bondage, the dominant person ties up his or her partner with ropes, ribbons or other means, in order to suspend the other person or to tie him or her to him or herself. These techniques add a form of vulnerability for the person tied. Sado-masochism is another known practice, where arousal is achieved through pain and/or suffering, which may be inflicted through spanking or flogging.

There is a wide variety of accessories and instruments that accompany these experiences: handcuffs, ropes, whips, whips, pliers, candles, masks or headbands and many others.

The benefits of BDSM

According to its followers, BDSM has many benefits: self-confidence, improved communication between partners, stress reduction, development of empathy... According to some people, the preliminary stages of discussions and exchanges allow them to (re)learn to identify and express their desires and non-desires, as well as to regain control over their desires and their body. These explorations, done in controlled environments, also remind us of the importance of respecting one's consent and one's body. Others report that exploring BDSM practices with their partners strengthens the relationship and brings them closer together. And of course, these experiences are a source of pleasure and relaxation.

If you are tempted by the experience, don't hesitate to find out about events organized near you, to talk to people who already practice BDSM, and even to participate in workshops!