What are fantasies?

Sexual fantasies are scenarios that we imagine: they can be inspired by real facts, a work of fiction, memories... In a way, fantasies are part of all these elements that feed our sexuality. They are the expression of our sexual appetite and our desires.

Fantasize how to use

Having sexual fantasies, no matter what your love situation, is healthy! We forget about the misconceptions that fantasizing while in a relationship is "serious" and that fantasizing and a healthy relationship are incompatible.

Not all fantasies are meant to come to life. Most are there to stimulate us, to let our imagination run wild, and also simply to make us feel good.

There are no rules about what fantasies should be: no, not everyone dreams of having a wild night with a famous actor. No need to go looking for noon at fourteen and imagine convoluted scenarios!

You can also stimulate your erotic creativity by listening to podcasts or reading erotic novels. Like all aspects of our imagination, our fantasies are fed by what we consume.

Talk about it with your partner

Discussing your fantasies with your partner doesn't have to be a heavy subject! However, if you feel apprehensive about opening up, here are some tips to help you.

First of all, we advise you to choose a calm moment, when your minds are available and free. Without taking any precautions, remember to pay attention to the way you will formulate things: favour positive formulations rather than sentences that could be considered as reproaches.

Then, listen to your partner. Communicating is not only about opening up, but also listening to your partner and welcoming his or her reactions: what he or she shares, how the discussion makes him or her feel, maybe some emotions will come up...

The absence of fantasies

We try to keep a balance, because we can quickly fall from one extreme to another and participate in the perpetuation of injunctions related to our sexualities.

The reality is that not everyone fantasizes, or fantasizes in the same way. Before asking yourself whether you are normal or not, remember: the important thing is that the sexuality you experience is appropriate for you, that it is fulfilling and satisfying. It is quite possible that you do not feel the need to intellectualize or verbalize what is happening in your erotic imagination, and there is nothing wrong with that. Remember that there is no such thing as normal!

More than having fantasies or not, pay attention to yourself and your desires. Do you feel desire for the person you are having sex with? Do you want to engage in this new intimate experience or not? We often talk about consent, and it's in that same vein that we approach desire: refocusing on your own desires and non-desires, your pleasure (not what your best friend tells you you absolutely must test).