Your sex drive is supposed to fluctuate

Libido isn’t a steady line that only climbs. By nature it varies across your life, and there will be stretches where there’s simply no room for sex. That’s normal, not a malfunction.

There’s no “ideal” frequency

Two partners don’t need sex once a week for a relationship to thrive. The idea of a correct frequency doesn’t really hold up — counting often ignores solo sex and the other erotic moments you share. And love isn’t the same as sex: you can deeply love someone and still not enjoy sex. Sex isn’t proof of love.

Never ignore pain

Pain is your brain signaling that something isn’t right. Ignoring it tends to make it worse, not better. Masturbation, meanwhile, can play a part in good sexual health — though it’s not mandatory, and neither is anything else here.

Fantasy is healthy

Fantasizing about acts, people or places is a great way to nurture your erotic imagination. It’s private, it’s normal, and it doesn’t commit you to anything.

Consent and communication come first

Consent is mandatory — even in a long relationship. Happy consent is mutual, free of coercion or pressure. Someone can say yes to one thing and no to another, and can change their mind at any moment. Pair that with honest communication: nobody can read minds, so your partner can’t always guess what you do and don’t want.

Protect yourself, and drop the orgasm race

Using protection lowers the risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancy, and spares you the anxiety afterward. A small tip: a drop of lube inside the condom can boost sensation. Finally, chasing orgasm can backfire — when you’re focused on performing, you’re less connected to your body, and it’s precisely that focus on sensation that creates pleasure.

FAQ

How often should a couple have sex? As often as suits both of you — there’s no universal ideal frequency.

Is consent still needed in a long relationship? Yes, always; consent is mutual, can be partial, and can be withdrawn at any time.

Does wanting less sex mean something is wrong? No — libido naturally fluctuates throughout life, and dips are part of that.

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