Start with consent

Touching a vulva can be wonderfully pleasurable, but before anything begins, make sure you’re both consenting. From there, follow this advice only where it matches your own desires — there’s no script you have to obey.

Build up arousal

Arousal is a mechanism that keeps growing without plateauing, so going straight for the prize can feel too intense. Take your time. Kiss, caress each other’s bodies, and let your hands wander near the crotch from time to time before settling in.

Use lube

To prevent pain and chafing, the area really benefits from being well lubricated. Don’t be shy about reaching for lube — it makes everything feel more comfortable and lets you focus on pleasure.

Play with frustration

Frustration can intensify desire. The more your partner wants you to be direct, the more charged each touch becomes. This is the moment to run hot and cold: tease the crotch, the inner thighs and the vulva, lightly brushing the clitoris now and then.

Vary the pleasures and explore

There are countless ways to touch a vulva — stroking the clitoris, the labia, slipping fingers into the vagina. To learn what works, ask before, during or after a motion, or read your partner’s breathing and moans. And don’t focus only on the vulva: with your other hand, explore other erogenous zones like the nipples, stomach, thighs and anus.

In short

Build up arousal, use lube, play with frustration, vary the pleasures, and explore the rest of their body. Five simple anchors, endless ways to follow them.

FAQ

How do I know what my partner likes? Ask before, during or after a touch, or pay attention to their breathing and moans.

Do I really need lube? It helps a lot — lube prevents chafing and pain and keeps the experience comfortable.

Should I head straight for the clitoris? Usually not; building arousal slowly and teasing first tends to make each touch feel more intense.

Want to slow down and make it hands-on? Melba’s guided yoni massage walks you through it together, at your own pace. Download Melba