Foreword: What is Melba? 

Melba is an app with guided audio experiences for couples.

You press play and a voice guides you both through a spicy session designed by experts.

We like to say that it's "sex education with only practice" or even a "real-time foreplay coach."

  • Browse a catalog with hundreds of episodes.
  • Choose one that matches your mood or curiosity.
  • Listen on speakers or headphones.
  • Follow the step-by-step voice instructions together, with the freedom to deviate from the script whenever you want.
  • Themes ranging from romantic, playful, kinky, and fantasy scenarios.
  • Most sessions last about 30 minutes.
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With over a million users and hundreds of in-depth interviews with couples, plus our own internal data on desires and behaviors, we've seen the same pattern emerge time and time again: couples don't just need more information—they need guided, real-time support that helps them feel present, playful, and secure enough to try something new.

In this article, we explain what science says about how to thrive and how Melba can help you.

1. Your level of presence has an impact on your enjoyment.

Through more than 50 years of research, one theme keeps coming up again and again:

Attention—not libido—is the foundation of desire.

But attention is not just a state of mind. It is a state of the nervous system.

According to the Dual Control Model of sexual response, arousal is controlled by two systems: (The Pyott Lab)

  • Excitation (the accelerator)
  • Inhibition (the brake)

Most long-term couples don't have weak "accelerators." They have hyperactive brakes:

  • stress
  • multitasking
  • children, work, and mental load
  • body insecurity
  • performance pressure
  • routine
  • zero transition time between "living your life" and "making love"

Modern neuroscience and polyvagal theory suggest that we need to move from normal → calm → open → excited for sex to be enjoyable. (SpringerLink)

That's where presence comes into play.

How Melba can help you:

Melba's guided sessions are designed to change your state, not just your attitude:

  • The voice slows you down, tells you when to breathe, when to pause, when to notice your partner.
  • You don't have to think about what to say or do next—the cognitive load decreases, and your braking system can relax.
  • You are encouraged to use eye contact, touch, breathing, and small gestures—things that signal safety to the nervous system.

And because many couples are busy and exhausted, we also normalize scheduling sex as a tool, not a failure. Studies and clinicians increasingly point out that planning intimacy can help couples protect erotic time, increase anticipation, and maintain connection in long-term relationships. (Healthshots)

In short: when your brain, your body, and your schedule are all in sync, desire is much more likely to manifest itself.

2. Why more foreplay is necessary

In the 1960s, Masters & Johnson developed sensate focus, a therapeutic method used worldwide to rebuild intimacy and desire. It remains one of the most effective and evidence-based approaches available. (The Pyott Lab)

If the names sound familiar, you may remember them from the series Masters of Sex—a fictionalized version of these real researchers.

Sensate focus works because it:

  • encourages touching without demands
  • slows couples down enough so that they truly feel
  • removes pressure and performance expectations
  • teaches people to notice sensations rather than judge them
  • reduces anxiety (a major inhibitor of excitement)

But there is another layer that research has made really clear over the past decade:

It's not just that you engage in foreplay, it's how long you spend on it and how much variety you bring to it.

What science says about pleasure

Large-scale studies (including work with the OMGYes team) show that women report more satisfying sex and more orgasms when: (Medical Xpress)

  • they experiment with several types of stimulation during the same encounter (kissing, manual, oral, penetration, toys, etc.),
  • partners use specific techniques and movements (changes in angle, pressure, rhythm, combination of clitoral and internal stimulation),
  • sex lasts long enough for all of this to actually happen,
  • and there is continuous attention to the clitoris, not just "foreplay → penetration → finished."

The Second Report on Pleasure OMGYes surveyed more than 3,000 American women and named four now-famous techniques for improving penetration—Angling, Rocking, Shallowing, and Pairing— whichmost women reported using to make penetration more enjoyable. (Medical Xpress)

Another national study found that women who have orgasms more often with partners are more likely to:

  • receive more oral sex
  • have longer sessions
  • change positions more often
  • use toys or anal stimulation
  • play out fantasies
  • and communicate what they want. (SpringerLink)

In short: more foreplay, more techniques, more variety = more orgasms and more satisfaction.

How Melba can help you:

Melba doesn't just talk about foreplay. She restructures the entire encounter around it:

  • Many sessions spend most of the time on non-penetrative touching.
  • We guide specific techniques, movements, angles, pressure changes, and tempo inspired by emerging research on pleasure.
  • We don't treat foreplay as something you rush through at the beginning. We weave it throughout the sessions—before, during, and after penetration (if you choose to include it).

So you're not just being told that "foreplay matters."

You are literally coached through better, longer, more varied foreplay— whichis exactly what the data says bridges the orgasm gap.

3. Sex is a place you go to

As Esther Perel so aptly puts it:

"Sex isn't just something you do. Sex is a place you go." (Men's Health)

It's a psychological space: a place for play, curiosity, power, tenderness, abandon, or mischief. For many long-term couples, the problem isn't that they've stopped caring—it's that they can no longer reliably find that place between school runs, Slack messages, and laundry.

Research on eroticism and fantasies shows that when we engage our imagination—not just touch—desire gets a huge boost. (Men's Health)

How Melba helps you "get going"

Melba acts as a gateway to this erotic space:

  • A voice creates the scene and gives your brain permission to switch modes.
  • You are invited into lighthearted scenarios (no heavy role-playing duties) that feel playful rather than awkward.
  • The structure creates just enough distance from everyday life for desire to breathe again.

For many couples, this is the missing piece: they don't just need ideas; they need a guided transition to a different state and a different story.

4. Novelty: desire loves surprises

One of the most robust findings in the science of sex and reward is that novelty awakens the brain. Dopaminergic systems flag new or unexpected experiences as "worth paying attention to," which stimulates motivation, curiosity, and desire. (ScienceDirect)

But here's the key:

Novelty doesn't have to be extreme to work.

Research on orgasm frequency also shows that women who have more orgasms generally do a wider variety of things in bed: deep kissing, manual stimulation, oral sex, varied positions, talking dirty, trying out fantasies, sometimes anal play—not just a scripted routine. (SpringerLink)

How Melba gently introduces something new

Melba introduces micro-novelties and little surprises throughout a session:

  • a new way to touch the same part of the body
  • a different rhythm or countdown
  • a change in who gives vs. who receives
  • a new focus (e.g., hands, breathing, voice, eyes)
  • a slight twist in the plot

You are never pushed into anything crazy that you haven't signed up for. Instead, you get just enough newness to break up the routine and rekindle curiosity—in a container that feels safe.

For long-term couples stuck in a rut of "doing the same three things every time," this is often what brings desire back into the equation.

5. Fantasy adds depth

Justin Lehmiller's research with over 4,000 people revealed that 97%+ of participants reported sexual fantasies, and that these fantasies often involve connection, power, exploration, and identity—not just "shock value." (Tandfonline)

Similarly, writers such as Nicoletta Shaw explore fantasies as symbolic stories—ways in which our psyche plays with desire, security, transgression, and transformation.

The point is not that you have to "live out" every fantasy in real life. It's that:

Engaging with fantasy gives sex more meaning, not just more stimulation.

How Melba uses fantasy

Melba uses light-hearted fantasy elements to add psychological depth without making things heavy or dangerous:

  • the idea of a third person joining you
  • to be looked at (or just to feel seen)
  • a new place or a new atmosphere
  • power play or role changes

The key word is suggestion. You can always say no, pause, or skip anything that doesn't suit you.

This allows couples to explore the pattern of fantasy—anticipation, curiosity, emotional significance—without having to reveal every personal detail or jump straight into a high-stakes conversation.

6. What the numbers say

Let's talk numbers for a moment.

Data from the United States and Europe show that middle-aged adults engage in a wide range of practices: (SpringerLink)

  • Oral sex ≈ 82–84%
  • Lingerie / "dressing up" ≈ 65%
  • Toys ≈ 47%
  • Anal sex ≈ 38–40%
  • Role-playing ≈ 22–24%
  • Bondage ≈ 14%

So no, couples aren't as "vanilla" as they think they are.

At the same time, the gap in access to orgasm is very real:

  • About 95% of heterosexual men say they usually or always have an orgasm during sex.
  • Compared to approximately 65% of heterosexual women
  • Lesbian women, on the other hand, report orgasm rates closer to those of heterosexual men (approximately 86%) (SpringerLink)

And what separates women with stronger orgasms from women with weaker orgasms?

The same study by Frederick et al. revealed that women who have orgasms more often are more likely to: (SpringerLink)

  • receive oral sex
  • have longer sex
  • enjoy more types of stimulation in a single intimate moment
  • use fantasy, talk dirty, use toys, and try different positions
  • communicate about what makes you feel good

In other words: variety + time + communication + sensuality.

How Melba aligns with this:

In the application, episodes are grouped into 10 main categories and can be filtered by:

  • 45 sexual practices
  • 22 accessories (most of which you already have at home)
  • 4 moods
  • 4 voice tones
  • different locations, types of speakers, and which is guided

You can make any practice off-limits at any time, and still have a wealth of options.

With solo and couple activities, there is a wide range of choices when it comes to what you want to do, and how gently or boldly you want to explore.

The result is an experience that matches what research says actually improves pleasure and orgasm rates, not just what people think "sex is supposed to feel like."

In conclusion:

Studies (and our data) show that it's no surprise that therapists, sexologists, and researchers love to use and recommend Melba.

A quick reminder:

Why does desire change in long-term relationships?

Because it becomes more reactive to stress, routine, and nervous system overload, couples need support that helps them feel present and connected again.

What makes the difference?

Science shows that presence, sensory focus, variety of techniques, novelty, fantasy, and a calm nervous system are all proven ways to rekindle eroticism. Melba brings these methods to life through guided, real-time experiences.

How do couples use it?

By pressing play and letting structured guidance shape attention, reduce pressure, introduce gentle novelty, and help partners explore safely and playfully, session by session.

In short, Melba works because it is science made practical, highly personal, and immediately usable.

So now that you know a little more about the science behind Melba—go ahead and check out our sources in the full bibliography, or take a free one-week trial and make yourself the subject of your next sexy experiment.

Complete bibliography

I. Internal Research Melba (Primary Sources)

  • Carmody, C., & Broto, L. (2025). Sexual desire in middle age: Men vs. women, United States vs. France.
  • Carmody, C., & Broto, L. (2025). Sexual behaviors in middle age: American adults aged 35–65.

II. Fundamental Research on Sexuality (Masters, Johnson, Dual Control Model)

III. Nervous System, Somatic System & Neuroscience Sources

IV. Prevalence of Sexual Behavior (NSSHB, AARP, Surveys)

V. Desire, Intimacy & Gender Differences (Research on Middle Age)

VI. Sexual Fantasies, Novelty, and Psychological Significance

VII. Novelty, Dopamine & Desire (Neuroscience)

  • Berridge, K. C., & Robinson, T. E. (1998). What is the role of dopamine in reward: Hedonic impact, reward learning, or incentive salience? Brain Research Reviews, 28(3), 309–369.https://doi.org/10.1016/S0165-0173(98)00019-5
  • Zillmann, D. (1988). Novelty, excitement, and sexual arousal. In The Handbook of Sexual Behavior.
  • Fisher, H. (2016). Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Macmillan.https://helenfisher.com/books/

VIII. Additional Modern Resources on Sexual Health

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